It’s the similarities in a relationship that make it work. However, it’s the differences that ignite the passion. Two people in a relationship are like magnets. They can attract or repel. Understanding this and managing it can be crucial to the survival of a relationship. Now the two poles are male energy and female energy. All men and women possess each but one is more of a dominant force than the other in an individual. It’s possible for a woman to have more masculine energy than feminine and for a man to have more feminine energy. Characteristics of masculine energy are:
- One focus (ability to concentrate well)
- High confidence
- Task-focussed
- Analytical, logical, problem solvers
- Assertive
- Impatient
- Hunts, pursues and chases
The masculine energy is responsible for direction and leadership. The masculine energy’s greatest need is to be needed and trusted and it thrives on appreciation. The masculine’s role is to be the vessel that hold the feminine energy.
Characteristics of feminine energy are:
- A deep need to share and connect
- Nurturing and healing
- Feels and sees multiple things at once
- Desires to be sought after, pursued and honoured
- Creativity and the flow of life’s energy
The feminine energy is the flow of life and love. It’s deepest need it to be seen and understood – this is what gives it life – and it’s the masculine’s role to do this, to be present and awed by it. It is his presence and awe that brings it into reality.
Of course, given that we all possess both energies, we can all be the love and the vessel. We can all have direction and focus. We all have access to creativity and all have nurturing tendencies. It is up to each individual to find the right balance for themselves. If out of balance, a few different things might happen on both a personal and a relational level. When a man denies his feminine energy he may become overly assertive to the point of aggression, overly confident to the point of arrogance or overly independent to the point of exclusion of those close to him (especially partner and children). If a woman suppresses her masculine side, she may become insecure, lost and directionless, become co-dependent, manipulative and chaotically emotional. She may also become submissive and repressed. A man who denies his masculinity lacks direction and purpose and his self-esteem may drop. And a woman who denies her femininity may disconnect from her creativity and lose her empathy.
As I mentioned above, the greater the distance in the poles within a relationship, the more the two energies will be drawn together. In other words, for an intense emotional, physical (and spiritual if that’s what you’re after) relationship, one partner must play the masculine role and the other the feminine. Ideally the partner playing the masculine role will be about 80% masculine and 20% feminine and the person playing the feminine role will be 80% feminine and 20% masculine – when in relationship. You can be a high-powered boss lady in the workplace, embodying leadership and purpose, but if you want to come home to a masculine man, you must find ways to shift back into your feminine. If not, there will be less attraction between you and in fact you’re likely to start competing with one another as you’re both in your masculine. If you’re a man who embodies his feminine side in perhaps a caring role as a nurse for example and want to come home to your feminine partner, you must find a way to step into your masculine so that there is direction and purpose in your joint lives together.
The biggest concern I have in relation to masculine / feminine polarity, given what I have seen in my work is the woman’s need to hang onto her independence within the relationship. With the empowerment of feminism this has been a great advantage for women in the workplace, but until they acknowledge the negative impact it has in their relationship, it’s going to leave their man feeling insignificant, unwanted, unneeded and untrusted. When this happens, he moves more deeply into his feminine energy and this shifts the balance of the relationship into more of a neutral position. And given that he is playing more of the feminine role, she may start to play even more of a masculine role in order to find some sort of balance for the relationship. But when a woman is in her masculine too much her life energy stagnates and she becomes exhausted and possibly even depressed.
To exercise your feminine energy, dance and sing to music, this stimulates the flow of life force energy through you and clears any blocks. Get creative. Spend time in nature. Laugh, joke, be playful. Spend time with other women.
To exercise your masculine energy, go hunting of fishing, play a competitive sport, plan a project, write a to do list and get the job done! Take the lead in your life and primary relationship and make the big decisions. Fix something. Spend time with other men.
Some good resources on this information are:
- Anything by David Deida
- John Wineland
- Jake Woodard
- Melissa S Gambelluri
Key Points to remember:
- Figure out your core energy and find what a healthy balance looks like for you
- Find the right balance of m/f energy within your relationship (even if this looks different to the energetic balance you use outside of the relationship)
- Masculine partner – hold the space for your feminine partner while the energy of life and love flows through her (nb. It’s not always pretty!), accept it and if possible be in awe of it
- Feminine partner – appreciate your masculine partner, rely on them and trust them