Although EFT Tapping is a relatively new tool (having come into prominence in the 1990s), it’s roots go back to ancient Chinese medicine, using some of the points used in acupuncture.

In order to gain a deep understanding of how and why EFT Tapping works, we’re going to begin exploring your stress response.

Over the years I’ve seen a lot of couples struggling to make their relationship work. When a relationship is stressed, communication is poor, trust is diminished, and each partner feels isolated and scared.

Obviously, there’s an infinite number of things that can stress a relationship and each relationship is completely unique, however, I have found a number of similar stresses that come up again and again with clients.

Relationships need boundaries. Here’s why. You and your partner (or friend, or parent, or child, or colleague) are a team. And you’re playing the game of life together. Now every game needs rules so that we know whether we’re doing the right thing or not. In regards to your relationships, the ‘right’ thing is that which helps to move the relationship forwards whilst supporting the individual member of the aforementioned team.

“Kindness is an underrated value in (our) culture. People tend to value intelligence, charisma, coolness, talent, inspiration, beauty and other bright sparkly attributes that can radiate out of even the most narcissistic individuals.” Lissa Rankin, The Daily Flame.

Kindness, on the other hand is plain, it’s simple, it’s quiet. It doesn’t draw attention to itself. This perhaps is the power of it.

People can do really awful things to us. They can lie, they can steal, they can take advantage of us. They can cheat, misunderstand us, break promises, fail to live up to our expectations. They can hurt us physically, emotionally or hurt the people we love.

And we carry these things with us. For what? As a badge of honour? Because it makes us feel tough? Because if we don’t it will be as though what happened was okay? Or is it just too hard? Maybe we just don’t know how to.

When we think of self-care, we think candle-lit rose petal baths, massages, exercise, reading books, weekend siestas, eating right and meditation. But did you know that the quality of your relationships has a direct effect on your own personal wellbeing – mentally as well as physically?

In an attempt to encourage you to work through any present relationship challenges that have surfaced within your household, and to make plans to nurture those beyond with more gratitude and compassion once the walls come down, I present here the importance of making time and energy for this vital self-care ritual.

Sometimes when we have a negative or traumatic experience, we are unable to process it, for one of many reasons. When this happens, the emotions get supressed and therefore trapped in the body. However, the body doesn’t want them trapped and the emotions don’t want to be there, so they lie in waiting for an opportunity to be released. When we then have an experience that triggers similar emotions, these old emotions decide to try their luck at being released. So instead of having a response that’s in proportion to the experience you’ve just had, you have that and also the backlog of emotions from similar experiences and rolled into one. Not a good look, hey?!

Have you ever considered what the world is like for your family pet? Take your dog for example, whose sense of smell is much more developed than his eyesight. His world is dominated by smell. Can you imagine what that might be like? Or take a bat for instance, who is so close to being blind, it navigates by sound. When people become blind the amount of area of the brain responsible for vision is reduced and other senses take over the same space, changing the way that person interprets the world.

The first time I did any therapy training I was 22. I did the course to become a Lifeline Telephone Counsellor. Although most of my learnings from that time are hazy or now unconscious, one has always stuck with me, very brightly. I recall learning that it’s rarely someone’s emotions that cause them the distress, rather, it’s the way they feel about having those emotions. For example, your mother for whom you have cared for, for a number of years through her terminal illness, finally passes. Not only do you feel grief, which is to be expected, you also feel relief. And then you notice that you feel guilty about feeling relieved. It’s not the relief that’s the issue here, until you make it an issue by feeling guilty. 

This week I celebrated 8 years of marriage. I’m proud of what we’ve achieved and the relationship we’ve created. We’ve faced many challenges (such as 3 kids and 7 moves in 8 years) and undergone quite a bit of stress (such as isolation and not having family nearby for support). We’re both extremely independent and stubborn, which doesn’t always work well for a relationship. I’m certain that without the knowledge I have, and the will to never give up, I wouldn’t feel the security I do about the foundation we’ve created for our future together.