Did you know, words only make up 7% of our communication. 38% is attributed to the tone of our voice and a massive 55% to our body language. What makes up our body language includes the energy field the we emit up to 3 feet from our bodies which is always communicating with those around us. And energy is very reflective. So, depending on what energy you’re sending towards me, will determine the energy that I respond with.
Which mean, that in order to get a specific response from someone, we need to send a specific energetic message. But if this is all happening unconsciously, what do we do? We become conscious of it of course!
The biggest strain on any relationship is when you inadvertently (or advertently) hit a nerve. Now what do we mean by this expression – hitting a nerve? Basically, what that means is that someone’s triggered your trapped your unprocessed emotions. These are your so called “sensitivities” or “insecurities”. Emotions are ‘energy in motion’ and when you shift and release these trapped emotions you change the energetic signal that you’re sending out to the world and people can no longer trigger you the way they once did. I’ve spoken a lot about trapped emotions when it comes to EFT Tapping and this is by far the best tool to use when it comes to shifting the emotions that are causing friction in your relationships. So, I would suggest you go back and look at some of my previous blog posts on Tapping.
Belief systems within people produce certain energies also. We humans are pretty egotistical beings. We like to prove ourselves right, so we actually look for evidence in our environment to support our beliefs. Think about it. If I believe “I am not worthy”, this will produce a low energetic frequency. Take then, someone who believes “I am superior” and put them in the same room with the one who feels unworthy. What do you imagine would be the resulting energetic communication? I think the one who believes themselves to be superior will rob the energy from the one who feels worthless and the latter will freely give it up, having found evidence to support their belief, resulting in them feeling even more worthless.
Trust is a form of belief. When you trust someone, you believe that someone either is or isn’t going to do something and that feeling emits a certain energy through your field. And the person who you either do or don’t trust picks up on that, most likely unconsciously, and responds accordingly. A number of things might happen. If you don’t trust them, they might feel deflated and actually withdraw from you, and take no action at all, severing any connection (not good for a relationship). Or, they could go about proving you right, just to punish you for the mistrust (also not good for a relationship). They could go about proving you wrong as well, but due to your mistrust they go about it in an almost desperate way, creating a sort of power struggle (also not healthy). So there’s really only two alternatives. If they’re really not a trustworthy person, walk away, don’t engage in relationship with them (unless it’s a work situation of course in which you may have to do some serious stress management) OR, you can try trusting them. This will produce an energy that will inspire the other person to actually step up and be trustworthy, or at least do their very best.
Another mega strain on relationships is having different values. Now values are the emotional states we choose to experience often. The obvious ones include happiness, joy, peace, love, kindness. But we mustn’t forget things like health, wealth, power, control, stability, wisdom and adventure. When two people are seeking opposing emotional states (different energetic states), such as power and peace or adventure and stability there is naturally going to be a certain level of tension. This is why it’s so important for a couple, or a family living together or even work colleagues to find common values and work towards common goals, because their energies are going to be in sync with one another.
And I don’t know what we call the emotional states that we don’t want to experience but experience anyway, but they have a massive impact on our relationships too. The obvious example is love and hate. We can feel if someone loves us or hates. But then there’s more subtle emotions such as jealousy or envy, guilt or resentment. All of these emotions activate our stress response. And when we’re stressed, we put our defences up and this causes a disconnect with those around us. These fleeting emotions can also be shifted using EFT Tapping. Another way of shifting them is to see the situation that made you feel that way from another perspective, especially that of the person who may have inspired them.
It is for all of these reasons that it’s important to a) shift any emotional baggage that may be triggered by the behaviour of others, b) create beliefs that enable you to connect with others rather than being threatened by them, c) align at least some of your values with the people you’re in relationship with and d) address and shift any fleeting negative emotions as soon as you become aware of them.
Things to think about:
- What negative emotions keep getting triggered within you repeatedly, that would be beneficial to release? Hint: these are the things you’re sensitive about and rather than laughing at them you get sad or angry or jealous etc.
- What current beliefs are negatively affecting your relationships? Hint: these are your insecurities and fears.
- What values should you shift to be more in line with those you’re in relationship with? Hint: these are your disagreements.
EFT is a great tool to both release triggering or fleeting emotions and shift beliefs that don’t serve you. Get in touch to learn how.