I’m a mum of three. I can multi-task really well. I can cook dinner, talk on the phone, unpack school bags, follow a three-way-under-6 argument in the next room and drink wine, all at the same time. But just because I know what’s going on doesn’t mean they know I know. 

So how do you listen in a way they feel heard?

I was introduced to a German word “schadenfreude” years ago by Oprah which is the satisfaction you feel when something bad happens to someone. Well, Mudita is the opposite. It’s about delighting in the joy that others feel. 

When we practise Mudita regularly it enables us to dissolve our ego, thereby feeling connection to others, a deeper understanding and compassion for others which leads to greater levels of wisdom.

Do any of your children seem to have a more special bond with your spouse or perhaps a grandparent that leaves you wondering what you’re doing wrong? It could be a neighbour or teacher or someone else in your community that your child seems to be particularly fond of. This may be due to the fact that this person, unintentionally, is speaking your child’s love language.

The majority of relationship breakdowns are the result of ineffective communication. So many relationships could have be saved if the couples prioritised their communication skills. Developing good communication makes people feel understood and respected in their relationship. It enables the couple to find positive solutions to any challenges, without being emotionally triggered.

Aristotle said: “Give me the boy until he’s 7 and I’ll show you then man!”

The reason it’s so important to be a good role model for your children is because they learneverythingfrom you! That might be an exaggeration but only just. They are little sponges, especially from the womb to age 7 and if you are their primary care giver, most of what they take in will be from you. During this period, they are creating neural pathways in the brain of how the world works and how they’re supposed to work within the world.

One of the many amazing things about children is that they actually know how to relieve their stress in an effective way. It may not be acceptable to us adults, but it’s effective for them. The most important thing we can do to support our children in dealing with stress is to just trust them in knowing how to manage it for themselves. Stress is a process that the body goes through in order to deal with certain situations. If this process is disrupted either by an adult looking down on the response disapprovingly, or by additional stress put on the child, then the process can’t complete its cycle and the stress gets trapped within the body. This can lead to illness, physical pain and increased sensitivity to future emotional triggers. 

There are 6 needs that every human has. The role of the unconscious is to satisfy these needs no matter what, even if we’re not aware of how we’re doing it or if we’re doing it in a negative way. By deepening your understanding of these needs you will be more able to recognise when your child is trying to satisfy them, and if they’re doing that in an un resourceful way, you will more likely be equipped to find other ways to satisfy them.

If you’re in a relationship that seems to be falling apart around you and you’re the only one who seems to want to prevent its ultimate destruction, don’t worry, it’s never too late to save it and yes, you can do it alone!

So, how did you lose your partner’s love? Did you cheat? Lie? Or did you just let them slip away by failing to give them the attention and love they needed. Maybe they lost interest because you were more interested in yourself. Whatever the case, it’s not too late to win back their love. 

I’m not a step parent and I don’t have step parents. And although I’ve worked with many, it doesn’t take a professional to imagine that probably the hardest part of step-parenting is dealing with the ‘other parent’, who of course also happens to be your partner’s ex. Talk about tricky! I really do have great admiration for people who navigate it successfully and empathy for those who struggle with it.